Struggling to find You in my heart
I wade through pain and confusion,
Impatience and isolation;
I wade through what I think should be;
I wade through judgments and anger;
I wade through what I wish could be.
How did these things I loathe get in my heart again?
How do I find You in this dark, painful heart?
Yet You are always here
And You are always near
Though sometimes hard for me to find.
I beg You to help me lose
These pains and distractions.
I surrender all I am to Your Will,
To Your Sacred Heart, once again.
And then I wait, on You my Lord.
You do not lift this pain right away.
But still I wait.
The stone on this tomb is too heavy for me, my Lord.
Please help soon!
As I struggle to prepare a place for You,
I encounter my fears, my pains,
My total dependence on You.
I look to You, Lord, for only You
Can strengthen and heal me.
“I am not worthy to receive You,
But only say the word and I shall be healed,”
I chant as I clean house in my heart.
Emptying my chalice, I wait for You to fill.
I will not move until You come.
Day after day, hour after hour,
I wait, I pray, I dig, I prepare.
My heart reaches for Your Sacred Heart.
I call for You, I open the doors wider.
Contemplating Your Sacred Heart,
I remember the Thorns, the Wound, the Cross.
You know the constant pain.
You know the rejection and isolation.
You know the desire for Your people
Burning in Your Heart, a Love unrequited.
And I have asked for Your Heart!
What did I expect?
Contemplating Your abandonment
To us on Your Cross,
I draw near to Your Altar of Sacrifice;
Accepting Your Pain in mine, I let Peace in.
As Your Peace enters my heart,
Your Light overcomes the shadows
And the straw of the place I prepared
For You to rest Your head
Is turned to Gold as Your Presence
Touches it and comes to rest.
As I receive Your Body and Blood,
Our Communion, our Covenant of Love, is completed.
As I become one with Your pain,
So I become one with Your Peace.
I receive You, Jesus, into my heart once again
As You are born anew in me.
Please make me a willing carrier
Of the desire of Your Sacred Heart.
Please make me a willing example
Of Your Love through pain.
O Sacred Heart inspire me
With Your Love that knows no bounds!
And turn the unworthy straw of my heart
Into the Gold of Your Presence!