Didymus (Thomas)

Walking through the Garden,
Kneeling where He had knelt,
Weeping where He has wept,
He listened to the sound
Of the wind whispering
Words of passionate Love
Among the olive branches.

The pain, the shame would not leave.
Anguish consumed him
As he thought of how
His Master had loved him.
His heart, broken and torn
Like the Bread the Master
Had broken That Night,
Would not be healed.
Dying within, he searched for new Life
And meaning to his chaos
Among the olive trees He knew so well.

But they would not release their secrets
And he could not release his pain.
How could He ever love me again?
How could He ever forgive me?
Thomas wept in deepest agony.
Why had I not saved Him
From His torturous death?
The darkness, the fear swept over him.
Could One so pure, so full of Light,
Understand, much less forgive?
What will become of me
Now that I have abandoned Him?

Desperation, hopelessness reigned
In the darkness of the Garden.
Tears would not subside,
Heart would not stop aching,
Violently aching,
Unable to find the peace
He craved so passionately.
My Lord, he wept,
Will You ever forgive me?
But Silence consumed the Garden
And his ears could not hear
The words he craved.

Returning to that chamber
In the darkness, alone and empty,
He was met with rejoicing hearts.
Their words he could not comprehend.
Their emotions foreign to his dark pain.
How could this be?
He cannot forgive me, he mused,
Remembering the dark Silence
Of the Garden.

Yet within his heart
Stirred a faint glimmer of hope.
If I could once again come close enough
To only touch His Wounds,
Those Wounds suffered because of me;
If I could touch and heal,
Be one with His immense pain,
The pain of His tortured Body,
Yet also the pain of His rejected Heart;
If I could put my hand in His side
And come close to His Heart,
Broken and pierced for me;
If I could be one with His pain,
So close it touched my very body,
Then perhaps I could believe
That He would still love me.
But He has not come to me.

A gentle breeze moved
Through the locked down chamber.
Peace be with you, the Master spoke.
Come, touch My Wounds,
Put your hand into My side
And believe.

Thomas, swooning, inebriated,
With the cup of His perfect Mercy,
Fell to his knees.
Heart bursting with joy and devotion
As he touched, uniting with, the Wounds
Of his Beloved Master.
My Lord and my God,
His heart sang out in joy
And his heart was healed
At the sight and the touch
Of his Master’s Love.

7-16-02

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A Love Beyond All Human Loves

 

How do we as humans love beyond a human love, one might wonder. After all, we are human and isn’t that the limit of what we are capable of? For humans that would be so, but with God, all things are possible.

 

When one has embarked on a course of total love with one’s Savior, it seems one comes to a point of being just consumed in love for Him. You live it, you breath it, every moment not consumed in necessary activity is consumed in finding more ways to love Him, deeper ways to love Him, and in trying to please the Heart that is everything to you. No sacrifice is too great to offer for this Love. Your only desire is to give yourself totally to this Love, this Heart that you know so loves you. You have seen it, you have felt it. You know this Heart better than you know your own. This desire to touch the Heart of your God and to love Him completely as He desires to be loved becomes so overwhelming that it becomes all you desire. Yes, family and friends matter deeply and work and other things, but this, this is what drives you, what sustains you, what begins to fill your life. There is no other but this Love. Other loves are important, but once you have tasted this Love, there is no turning back. There is no love that will ever satisfy you completely again. Other loves become the fabric of your life providing the foundation within which you can pour forth this Love that you have found and surrendered your self and your life to. Weaving this Love throughout your life becomes a total joy as you know the Source and are constantly aware of where it is that this love comes from. This Love is His Love that you pour into all the relationships of your life. And though loving others deeply, your heart remains His, your first love, united in a union beyond all human unions.

 

When you become consumed in surrendering all that you are to this Love; when you sacrifice all and are willing to give all even to your life for this Love; when you find joy in the little and not so little ways that you can sacrifice in union with His greatest Sacrifice of Love; when loving Him is the all consuming focus and movement of your life; when you love Him with everything possible and reach to the highest height that you can in love, then you have loved as a human can love Him. At this height of human love, you are not satisfied for you know you must love Him more to satisfy His hunger for a response of love. Reaching up to Him, you cry out for more, to be able to love Him more than you are humanly possible. Teach me, O Lord, you cry. Show me how to love You as You desire to be loved! Lead me into the embrace that You desire! Take all of me to all of You and show me how to love You!

 

Total surrender becomes your joy, loving Him as He desires the motivating factor in your life. It is all you desire. Other things happen in your life and are important, but here is where you live. As He leads you on through the deserts and the valleys of this journey to Him, His graces sustain you and lead you on. Surrendering completely to His will becomes a deep joy in your life, something to live for, to die for.

 

Caught in total surrender, which is a joy to you, you reach for Him, stretching everything you are to touch His Heart, desiring to be to Him all He desires. You cannot be this alone. He has desired it to be this way. Catching everything you are up in this river, this fountain of love you passionately, with a passion that gives all with no care to the cost, pour all into His Heart, desiring more than anything in life to be to Him what He desires; then you have reached with the arms of human love. As one perseveres in this height of human love, the Heart of our God is moved and touched by our love and is stirred. The longing for this love above all human loves is revived and given hope in the Heart of our God. Stirred by our longings, as we persevere in our desire, unwilling to back down from this desire to love Him as He desires, the Spirit of God pours forth from His Heart and consumes us, lifts us, stirs in us this Spirit of Love. This Love is beyond human loves, for it is His Love. This is how we love with a love beyond human loves, for it is He in us that loves, that burns in us a Fire that consumes all we are and unites the Fire in our hearts with the Fire in His. This is the love He desires, a love of oneness, of complete surrender in which He is what is in us and we are in Him. Remain in Me as I remain in you. He takes all and gives all. Lifting our human love to His Mountaintop of Divine Love, trembling in the power of His Love, we are consumed in the Kingdom of His Divine Heart. While still human, our hearts are consumed in a Love beyond human loves, and it is with this Love that we love Him as He desires.

 

10-5-02