Adoring Dust

Piece by piece,
Brick by Brick,
You have taken me apart
Until all that remains
Is dust and broken bricks.
All is futile.
My strength is in the dust.
Yet my Master, all of me
Scattered in this dust
Cries out in longing for You still!
Even the rocks, You said,
Would praise Your Glory.
Even the dust, my Lord.
Even the dust.

Into this, You said, we would return.
I am here, my Lord, returned.
I am here, my Lord, still begging
To love You as You desire,
Even though my temple is in ruins.

Take this dust, You whom I adore,
And breathe Your Life into me.
I am only what You desire
To make of me.
Stir Your Spirit in this dust
That moistened with my tears
And Your waters of forgiveness
Becomes Your clay.
Recreate me, my Lord, as You desire.
Make this temple for You
That You may dwell in it.

Though only Your dust,
I am at Your feet
Beneath Your Burning Bush,
Adoring Your Presence.
Though only Your dust,
I am at the foot of Your Cross
Catching the drops
Of Your Precious Blood
In my heart
To treasure and adore.
Thought only Your dust.
I await with longing
The stirring of Your Spirit of Love
In my soul.

As I cling to Your feet, Beloved,
Like the dust of the roads You walked,
Will You wash me away
Before Your Great Feast
As You did at Your Great Supper?
Or will You make this dust Your clay
And form me into the chalice of Your Love
To become Your Blessing Cup
And to hold Your Sacrifice of Love?
I am here, Beloved,
Your adoring dust,
Awaiting Your hand.

7-21-2001

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Meadows of My Soul

Dear Sweet Jesus,
Your hand in mine
You guide me to the meadows of my soul.
Your Spirit refreshes me,
The strength of Your hand calms me,
The Love of Your Heart surrounds me,
My steps lighter for You hold me up,
Secure in Your Precious Love.

My mind searches for Your Will
Yet my heart bathes in the beauty,
In the tenderness of Your Will.
Though the path can be hard and hurt,
The wounds draw forth
Your Precious, redeeming Blood
The sweetness of which
Stirs the heart and soul
To love and to trust in You alone.

You, my Lord, Companion of my soul,
Draw me through Your Sacred Heart
To the wonders of Your Mysteries.
Treading softly, I gaze upon
The Face of Your Love.
It is a Love that is majestic beyond words
Yet as human as a suffering face.

Your strength sustains me, Precious Lord.
The drops of Your Precious Blood in my life
Sting and burn
Yet soothe with the sweetness of You.
My body touched by Your Crucifixion
Knows that every pain is a deeper experience
Of Your Resurrecting Power.
Your hand in mine leads me
Through the desert path
Turning the jagged rocks into green meadows,
Turning dry sand into Living Waters,
Refreshing and cleansing to my soul,
Forming my heart
To love You more deeply,
To trust You more completely,
Sweet Shepherd of my soul.

8-1-2000

Putty In Your Hands

The path becomes vague.
Mirages turn to sand.
Sand springs forth with Life.
I weary of confusion.
I long for the purity of Your Sacred Heart.
For You, O Lord, are meek and humble of Heart.
All You ask is all You give:
Love so simple it gives all, always.

I try to find my way
Through the maze of this exile,
But I am hopelessly lost without You.
My desires are simple:
To be all You desire.
I cry out from this valley of death.
Take all I am, my Lord,
And make me all You desire!

Putty in Your hands, my longing.
Form me, shape me,
Use me as You desire,
But let the putty feel the hand
And know You are there
In the midst of this wilderness
Shaping and moving my heart to Yours.

Surrounded by Your loving hands,
I release all to You
And soften to the form of Your hands.
You move me where You will,
Delighting in my surrendering
As I delight in the hands of the Master.
Desert or paradise are the same
If I am in Your loving hands.

3-14-2001

Straw Into Gold

Struggling to find You in my heart
I wade through pain and confusion,
Impatience and isolation;
I wade through what I think should be;
I wade through judgments and anger;
I wade through what I wish could be.
How did these things I loathe get in my heart again?
How do I find You in this dark, painful heart?

Yet You are always here
And You are always near
Though sometimes hard for me to find.
I beg You to help me lose
These pains and distractions.
I surrender all I am to Your Will,
To Your Sacred Heart, once again.
And then I wait, on You my Lord.
You do not lift this pain right away.
But still I wait.
The stone on this tomb is too heavy for me, my Lord.
Please help soon!

As I struggle to prepare a place for You,
I encounter my fears, my pains,
My total dependence on You.
I look to You, Lord, for only You
Can strengthen and heal me.
“I am not worthy to receive You,
But only say the word and I shall be healed,”
I chant as I clean house in my heart.

Emptying my chalice, I wait for You to fill.
I will not move until You come.
Day after day, hour after hour,
I wait, I pray, I dig, I prepare.
My heart reaches for Your Sacred Heart.
I call for You, I open the doors wider.

Contemplating Your Sacred Heart,
I remember the Thorns, the Wound, the Cross.
You know the constant pain.
You know the rejection and isolation.
You know the desire for Your people
Burning in Your Heart, a Love unrequited.
And I have asked for Your Heart!
What did I expect?

Contemplating Your abandonment
To us on Your Cross,
I draw near to Your Altar of Sacrifice;
Accepting Your Pain in mine, I let Peace in.
As Your Peace enters my heart,
Your Light overcomes the shadows
And the straw of the place I prepared
For You to rest Your head
Is turned to Gold as Your Presence
Touches it and comes to rest.

As I receive Your Body and Blood,
Our Communion, our Covenant of Love, is completed.
As I become one with Your pain,
So I become one with Your Peace.
I receive You, Jesus, into my heart once again
As You are born anew in me.

Please make me a willing carrier
Of the desire of Your Sacred Heart.
Please make me a willing example
Of Your Love through pain.
O Sacred Heart inspire me
With Your Love that knows no bounds!
And turn the unworthy straw of my heart
Into the Gold of Your Presence!

12/24-25/1999

The Only Thing I Know

My fortresses fall, my mountains crumble,
Stars and earth move around me.
Nothing is untouched, nothing is real,
Save a growing core,
Immovable, solid yet soft, unchanging.

This only grows stronger and clearer,
As everything else falls around me.
There is only one thing I know.
There is only one thing that is real.

You, O Sacred Heart of my God,
Are at the core of who I am.
You, O Sacred Heart of Love,
Are the only thing unchanging in me.
My love for You, O Sacred Heart,
Is all I know of myself that I am sure of.
My love for You is all I am
And all I want to be.

Like the Nugget left after the furnace
Turns ore to gold, are You, my Lord.
Like the Rock left after the tide
Washes away the sand, are You, my Lord.
Like the Light of a burning flame
Holding off the darkness, are You, my Lord.

You have not moved in Your love for me.
You have held me still, unchanging in my love for You,
Though in everything else I crumble.
Your Heart of Love, like the cement of my life,
Holds me together with the only thing I know.

12/28-29/1999

The Pebbles

O Lord, You are my rock and my salvation.

You, O Mountain of Strength,
Rock of immovable Truth,
You remain, still, despite our questions, doubts.
We praise You in the mightiness of Your Mountain
But stumble on the pebbles at Your Feet.

In You, Lord, I find my soul’s greatest rest,
The Waters of Life,
The Fire of Love,
Ever-burning, ever healing.
But when You speak, sometimes, I cringe.
I wonder if I hear correctly.
I wonder if I understand.
I wonder if I can do what You ask.

In my heart I know
You would not ask of me
The impossible.
But in my humanness,
I stumble on the pebbles,
Standing and falling,
Standing and falling.
Unable to die in Your Arms.
I want to climb Your Sacred Mountain
But I keep falling on the pebbles.

Do You tire at my feeble attempts?
I thirst.
Does my weakness leave You abandoned?
My God, why have You forsaken me?
Or do You, in Your All-knowingness,
Watch and wait as I discover, once again,
My utter dependence on You, my God.
Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.
Your Heart opens to my weakness,
Inviting me back in where I belong.
I am nothing outside of You.
I want nothing outside of You.
Your Cross is hard, my Lord, but Sweet.
Take me to the Heart of Your Mountain, my Jesus!
And rescue me from the pebbles!
The pebbles are too heavy for me to move alone!

12-6-1999

Ash

Dust, ash,
So easily stirred by the least movement,
Scatter, swirl,
Then come to rest again.
Such little flecks of a big universe,
Discarded, unappreciated,
So like weeds, often us.

It is You, my Lord,
Who takes our dust,
So plain, so humble,
And forms us in Your image.
It is only You, O Lord,
Who takes our ash
After we have burnt ourselves out,
And forms us into Your image again.

You, whose thoughts, whose Heart
Can birth a universe,
You take our clay
And make us Your own.
You, whose most Sacred Heart,
Whose most pure Spirit,
Stirs to Life our souls,
Stir our hearts in Your Heart,
Our souls in You,
And bring us home to You.

As dust returns to the earth
After a disturbance,
Open Your Heart
For our return.
Take us, O Lord, O Master of Love,
And let us cling to You again,
Your dust, yet Your jewel in Your eyes.

You, who counts each fleck,
Each grain of sand,
Each hair on our heads,
Count our hearts, touch our souls,
Bring them into Your Heart
And like the ore of the earth,
Make them Your gold.

Though I am simple, though common, though dust,
You, my Lord, with Your Presence and Your Love,
Transform me, draw me to You
And in Your most Sacred Heart,
You make me feel precious to You.

Not with carbon, but Love
You formed Your universe;
Carbon is but the ash
Of Your Furnace of Love.
Touch my ash with Your Fire, O Lord,
And bring me to Life, once again, in You.
Take me to You and quench my thirst for Your Love.
Take my ash in Your hands
And breathe in me
Life in You.

3/4-5/2000